Saturday, October 8, 2011

How do you measure a year?

It’s been a year since I was last in Korea, a year since I stepped into Holt Korea’s office and into Omma’s arms.  A lot has happened since then.  My family has grown exponentially.  Yet there’s something still so raw about it.  The video of Omma’s and my first moments together has over 3,700 views, and I still get messages from people who have been moved to tears by it.  But I have something to admit:  since uploading the video, I haven’t been able to watch it.  Navigating around YouTube or my blog, I’ll occasionally stumble upon it, and I have to hit pause to stop it from autoplaying.  It’s still too visceral, too close, too surreal that I haven’t been able to fully process everything yet.  Who knows if I ever will.

Despite that, I am so grateful for the gift I have been granted, the opportunity to meet Omma, to be re-enveloped into the family fold.  I am blessed with a sister who is one of the bravest, strongest, most compassionate people I have ever encountered.  I am still awed by the fact that far more family members knew of me and have been waiting for me to return than those from whom I was hidden.

For the first time in several years, I have not made the pilgrimage home this year.  And I can feel it in my bones, a yearning, like a kind of gravity, pulling, pulling.  I need to return…