Sunday, October 17, 2010

Email from Holt to Kira

From: PASHolt-Korea
Sent: Sunday, November 15, 2009 10:24 PM
To: starlingblue@gmail.com
Subject: Park, Kyung Joo / K83-873 / "DONNELL"

Dear Kira / Kyung Joo :

Hi. I hope this letter finds you well. It is freezing here. I do not like it. I feel cold even in the summer time so this cold weather bothers me a lot. The winter is not in full swing but I already miss spring.

Here is the update for you. As I said, I made my attempt to reach your birth mother through telegram in early part of this month and she responded the next day on November 4th.

Our first phone conversation was quite short because she said that she was not the person that we were looking for, but I knew that she was lying because she was having great difficulty breathing. (Obviously she was not very good at lying to people.) Kira, denial is kind of a common reaction among birth mothers. I told her to remember our phone number and to call us back if she remembered anything.

On November 6th, your birth mother’s sister called. She said that her sister felt so overwhelmed and did not know what to do. We stayed on the phone for almost an hour. I told her that I met you this summer and shared with her my thoughts about you (being serious about life, being introverted, focused, etc) I also told her about your letter and what was written in it. After hearing what I had to tell her, she felt much relieved – she knew that you are “real” and are out there. To her and her sister, it was like surreal.

Your aunt said that your birth mother is a devoted catholic and she has been praying for you since the day you left her. Not a day passes by that she does not think of you. I did not want to pressure her or her sister, so I told her that her sister needed her support and asked her to be there for her in this difficult time.

On November 16th, your birth mother called. She was calm and quite and I was happy about it. She started the conversation with an apology for not being honest with me at first. She said that at that time she was scared and overwhelmed with a huge sense of guiltiness. She added that she still felt the same but was overjoyed that you are healthy and happy and are doing quite well.

Getting back to your question – yes, she is married with children. She has two daughters and they are living with her. The first daughter attends a graduate school (26 years old) and the second daughter is a college student (23 years old). She really wants to get to know you more, but her situation makes her wait. As a wife and a mother, she has to be considerate of her current family. She added that she needed more time to be in contact with you as her family does not know about your adoption yet. She asked for your understanding. However, if you come to Korea in the future, she can meet you. Next year or afterwards. This is her promise to you.

Your birthmother promised me that she would send me photos for you. She does not have any descent one yet; she probably has to get new ones. It will take some time, but you can count on her. (She gave me her cell phone number as a sign of trust.)

Your birth mother said that I sounded nice and she could totally trust me. (What a compliment it is!) She asked me to deliver her message to you - she is very grateful and happy to know that you are healthy, you have a big family here (your birth mother is from a big family.), she will continue to pray for you, and she would like to meet you when things improve with her, and she does not want you to give up on hope because it will happen someday. Oh, her name is Yoo, Kyung Sook. She wants you to remember that.

At the end of the conversation, your birth mother and I cried a lot. I know it sounds totally unprofessional but I could not help it. She promised to call me when things change.

Kira, I do not have much to offer to you right now, but as I said, it is a long process. We will have to go through this together. When I receive photos from your birth mother, I will send them to you immediately.

In friendship,

Kyunghee Toni Ma

PS: I will have to keep your letter and photos until she tells me what to do with it. We will have to take steps - one at a time.