Sunday, October 17, 2010

Email from Holt to Kira 2

From: PASHolt-Korea
Sent: Tuesday, January 26, 2010 5:33 PM
To: starlingblue@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Park, Kyung Joo / K83-873 / "DONNELL"
Dear Kira / Kyung Joo :
Hi. Please accept my belated New Year’s wish. I wish this New Year shall bring you much joy and good heath.
Your birth mother came by our office yesterday (together with her youngest sister) to pick up your mail. We sat down and chatted for a while over hot tea. She shared her story with me and so did I.
Your birth mother was in tears when I presented your mail to her. (I read your letter to her over the phone a couple of months ago, so she already knew what was in your letter.) She went through your photos over and over again for half an hour in total silence. Tears streamed down her face. She said nothing, but I could understand how she felt. You know, sometimes, silence speaks louder than words.
Your birth mother told me “a little bit” about how she met your birth father and how their seven-year relationship ended. (Basically she confirmed your adoption story written in our file.) She and your birth father grew up together in a small town. They dated for seven years -- she said that your birth father was her first love. She was so sure that they would get married and have a family together, but your birth father’s family did not approve her. They harshly opposed their marriage and your birth father was not strong enough to fight with them. It was difficult times for both of them.
I could have asked her many questions about your adoption but decided not to interrupt her because I believe everything has time. It was my time to listen to her. Kira, I would like to encourage you to write another letter to your birth mother. I understand you are busy, but please make time to write to her before your visit to Korea. It will help her prepare for your visit both mentally and emotionally.
Many adoptees make mistakes when corresponding with their birth mother by asking them so many questions about their birth father. As a social worker, I can understand why, but I usually make them wait until their relationships with their birth mother become stable and solid. Your letters should focus on your relationship with your birth mother. When you meet her, you can ask her about your birth father. She will tell you honestly.
Your birth mother was just as nice as I thought she would be. She is a soft-spoken and kind lady. I am happy that I met her.
Kira, I would like to thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity to be a part of this wonderful journey. I will continue to work diligently to assist you and your birth mother. This is my promise to you.
Your friend,
Kyunghee Toni Ma